Viggo's Blog - One Jab Or Another...

Hi fans, Viggo here.
Yesterday I overheard my woman telling her Mum that she's going to take me to the vet next Tuesday. I need a jab. A jab!
Just roll that word around your mouth for a second - "jaaaaaaaaab".

I mean...It's just about the most humiliating thing I can envisage!

Me and the vet have a somewhat fraught relationship ever since he took me in for what was supposed to be a 10 minute tiny cut under local anesthetic to remove my testicles (mind you, I was kept in the dark about this) which turned into a 30 minute torture to fish one of them out of my belly.

His assistant had an emergency at the school of one of her kids, the brat was vomiting I believe, so my woman was roped in as a last minute assistant and she helped him shave my belly. It's a good thing she isn't squeamish, as there was quite a lot of blood involved. She later told me it was a good thing he went delving for my left ball, as it turned out to be deformed and cancerous. "Like a little rotten grape", she said. The shame!!!

And now I have to go see that man again!
The thing is, there's cat disease around, and she says she just can't face me getting ill and perhaps even going to cat heaven. "I couldn't take that, Viggo, I just couldn't", she cried. Silly woman! She obviously doesn't realize I have 8 lives left.

So. Wish me strength! 

Viggo's Blog: How to Survive Autumn (with Tips!)

Hi fans, Viggo here.
By popular demand I have decided to share my catty wisdom with you once more. Not that you deserve it persé, but I have my good side. And the sun is shining, which always makes me contented.

My woman tells me that convention makes it polite to ask you how you are doing; well, to get that out of the way: how are you?
There. That's done. Happy now?

Someone also told me I should be nice(r) to that silly Maine Coon who lives on my block. Now that's a hard thing for me...I was here first you see. But I'll try. Noblesse oblige.

What I really wanted to teach you though, is how to survive Autumn.
I know that you humans have a problem with those leaves falling. You tend to become down and melancholy, and start to eat fatty things and have an un-resistable urge to snuggle up in wooly stuff or next to open wood fires and such.

Me, I just loooooove those falling leaves. They fly through the air and I can leap at them and chase them, and roll around in them, and come home covered in little bits of leaf, smelling lovely outdoorsy.

So, pay attention now, I am going to give you some tips so that you can enjoy Autumn as well, instead of mooching around feeling depressed.

Tip 1.

Don't view Autumn as the end of something (Summer, dumbo), but as the beginning of a lovely long period where your main aim can be to keep warm and eat.

Tip 2.

Try to have fun with those leaves. See how gorgeous they are, and how great they smell. Make a heap and then leap in it from a distance. (Do make sure that you have removed all sharp garden implements from underneath first, I'm not responsible for any injuries that you have caused yourself by being stupid)

Tip 3.

Find a nice warm lap to sit on. (See photograph for reference; the glass is optional)

Tip 4.
Ask someone you trust to give you a relaxing massage daily.
I myself have my woman for this, but if you do not have anyone, go out and find someone. If you have trouble doing this, because you are shy, or because you are not that attractive (I realize you all cannot be me), see tip 5.

Tip 5.
Go to your local animal shelter or pound and adopt a cat (or two).
I was adopted myself, and my woman tells me often that I am the best thing that has happened to her since the invention of GarageBand and booze.

There you are. Now you'll have no problem to face the coming couple of months until Christmas has you all behaving like a bunch of punch-drunk-led-light fanatics.
Until next time, tarrah!