Swami-Time: Tenacity. Always a good thing?

Hello again.
The first thing that leapt to mind when I thought about this 12th "Ity" was that you can translate tenacity into bullheadedness. And is that a good thing?

To keep it personal: I am nothing if not tenacious. But that could prove to be my achilles heel as well. When does tenacity turn into a stubborn refusal to face facts and let go of a bad situation?

(Right. Before all of you start merrily guessing about what on earth I am talking about, I will not lift up a tip of the veil. Ha!

Sorry. Some things are better kept private.)

Back on track: tenacity. It can be a very good thing. It means you do not give up very easily, that you hold on, that you are determined. You are prepared to make a stand, even.

And it can apply to all sorts of things. Your work. Your health. A skill. Your life.

Kate Bush (with big hair) and Peter Gabriel - Don't Give Up.

Which again leads to a leap of the mind:

I've had a notification of someone's suicide four times in my life now. 

The first thing that jagged through my head every time like a bolt of lightning was the question why?

Of these four, three persons were not terminally ill. They had loving people around them. All three had not reached their 50's yet. 

One did have a terminal stage of cancer. He clung to life with a tenacity and a zest that was great to behold. But when the cancer returned, after a respite of 7 years, he decided to take the matters into his own hands. He was as determined in this as he had been in living life to the max. The same day he was told the terrible news that the cancer had returned, he ended his life.

I do not judge.

I question. What triggers one person to hang on to life with tenacity, and the other to want to end it just as tenaciously? 

Time for some credit. I cannot do it without my colleagues!

Hello there!
How are you today? I hope you are well!

Today is the day that a pupil spontaneously told me he was very happy that I would probably be teaching him again after the summer break. This made me happier than this 13 year old can surmise!
Today is the day that a colleague took me to task about something I wrote. It made me reflect on colleagues in general and this one in particular. And I came to the conclusion that, as always, part of the problem was mine. Communication is a two-way street...

I started work at 17, and ever since my colleagues have played a huge part in my life. They've helped me through some very rough patches as well as have been the bane of my life in a couple of instances. On the whole, I have had nice ones and some really great ones. And I still keep in touch with quite a few of them, from way back as well as from recent jobs.

Not so very strange, when you realise that you spend 5 to 6 days a week, 8 hours a day with these people. In fact, I see more of my colleagues than of my husband!
But when you are the new duck on the farm, you have to try to find your little place in the pen, in the stable and near the feeder. And that grumpy old bull who seems so difficult to approach may turn out to be a big softie and that friendly seeming hen may be the one who pecks out your tail feathers while you sleep.
Finding all this out takes time.
And I am one of those silly women that has an inherent need for being in tune with her surroundings.
Being grown-up, I know that it's normal not to be friends with everyone around you. I secretly still would want to be though...How soppy can you get?

Now, what is the point of all of the above drivel?
That I am grateful  for the support of my colleagues. That I would like to support them in return. That I am convinced that a group of committed, honest colleagues can make or break (but I wish make) a company, or in my case, school.

Older Women. 5 Reasons to Love Them!

Good morning to you, where ever you are!
This post is about "women of a certain age". Which poses the first question, because I am told that 60 is the new 30, so what age exactly are we talking about here???

Here we are: 86, (almost) 56 and 17. Three generations. And a very apt photo, for that's me in the middle; sandwiched between the emotional needs of my elderly Mum on the one hand and those of my teenage daughter on the other. So now you know why I am the one looking rather tired...

I will link you  to a hilarious song I found on the internet, which sparked off my thoughts on women over 50. We are often invisible, us older women, the ones with the thinning hair and the sagging breast and the rounded bums and tummies. Not to mention the varicose veins. 

A wonderful song by Donnalou Stevens

But, according to Donnalou, we are divine. And I would like to add: indispensable. Why? Let me tell you!

1. Older women have wisdom. And some have a great sense of humour.

Let's face it. We have lived long enough to have learned to think before we speak, and to think after we have spoken as well. This makes a change from the young, who more often than not blurt out their thoughts before they are fully formed.

2. Older women have to juggle the needs of everyone around them.

Sounds familiar, hm? When your kids are small, that logically means that your parents are not quite ancient yet, and are often able to help out. But by the time that you are over 50 yourself, your parents are over 70, or in my case well past 80. And they need help; ranging from physical help, to emotional help to practical help.

I don't know how it is where you live, but in my country the government expects us to care for our elderly more and more (due to a lack of funds).

Due to cutbacks and the financial crisis we are in, there are not enough houses for the young, and grants for studies have been halved. So we often have our over-18 youngsters still living with us. Who lean back and expect Hotel Mama to run as smoothly as ever.

3. Older women struggle with the menopause.

This used to be the Big Unmentionable, right alongside with having your period. Thank Frith I can speak about it, for I see women all around me trying to get through this bewildering stage of their lives without to much collateral damage.

For most of us this period lasts approx. 10 years. Ten Years!!!

And not only do we have to cope with lack of sleep, hot flushes, dry skin (and a dry 'mussel', as one of my friends calls it), mood swings, a short fuse, thinning hair and sagging bodies. If we are in a relationship we also have to cope with the reaction of our partner to all of the above. And let me tell you, I don't see a lot of empathy and sympathy on the whole...

4. Older women are prone to health issues.

Yeah, but so are older men, you may say. Yup. And guess who takes care of these older men? I rest my case!

5. Older women often have to go it alone.

Statistically, we outlive our men by at least 5 years, and often far longer. For the generation of my Mum, this is even harder, as they have relied on their men for all things technical and often financial as well. I fill up the car with petrol for my Mum, she never learnt...and is too old to start learning now. When I tried to teach her, she ended up spraying the forecourt of the petrol station and that was it.

I see them, with their walking frames, alone in the shopping mall, and shudder. Is that the fate of us all?

NO!!!

What we need to do, is recognise that society cannot do without the older women! And we should value our older sisters more. And facilitate them. Empathise. Cherish. Value.

Older women make the world go around. Without us, it would simple stop.

To All People Who Cannot Wait for the Summer Holidays!

Hi,
Wait for it....wait for it...
Have a Glorious Summer (holiday) (link)

The 11th "Ity" : Humility. #5 Things that make me feel Humble.

Good evening, my friends. Time for the Swami again.
How are you? I'm tired, but fine. And before I take myself off to my bed I'd thought to tell you about my personal take on humility.
Humility is the quality of not thinking that you are better than other people.

1. Nature.

If there's one thing that makes me feel humble, it is the force of nature. Ever since I witnessed a lightning strike in my back garden which plunged the entire street into darkness, blew a hole in the roof and melted my fusebox, I am in awe of thunder&lightning. And living 4 m. below sea level also makes a person aware of what water can do. I'd say this is humbling...

2. This last year at work.

Having been a popular teacher at one school, and then losing this job through cutbacks and having to start afresh at a totally different inner-city school with totally different (often deprived) youngsters, has been one of the most humbling experiences of my life. But I am happy to say I can hum along with Elton John: "I'm Still Standing".

3. My next-door neighbour.

He was already living there when we moved in, in 1994. He's had polio as a child, I believe. He was still able to cycle on a normal bicycle in 1994. Since then, we have seen his movements steadily deteriorate. Normal bike, three-wheel bike, motor wheelchair. He lives on a small state allowance and does janitor work at a primary school, which means he takes the 6 o'clock bus every day. What humbles me is that he never complains. And he is always cheerful!

4. An example of Greek hospitality.

When I was 22, I travelled around Greece by train. It was high summer, and blazingly hot. I took care to always have a liter bottle of water with me, but at some stage on the way to Kalamata my water ran out and there was no opportunity to buy new. That evening my friend and me wearily and thirstily walked along a dirt road on the way to a campsite, when we passed a hovel. No other word for it. Outside this falling down house there was a pump, and at the pump a very old woman was washing herself. We ogled the water, and she noticed this, and waved at us (this Greek wave is funny, for it appears that they are shooing you away, when they actually wave you to approach). So we walked to her, and with sign language asked permission to fill our bottle. Before we knew it we were dragged into her kitchen, where she sat us down and shared her evening meal with us. And then sent us on our way with a sack full of lemons, cucumbers and figs. I fell in love with Greece there and then, and have returned to this country many times since.

5. Pain.

Pain is the great equaliser. When I was pregnant with my son, 22 years ago, I had necrosis in my womb, and it was stunningly painful. I spent 7 months in hospital and only barely made it out alive.

I felt very, very humble there, especially at night when everyone else was asleep and I was at the mercy of the night nurses (who were very kind, most of them!).

Humility, in my eyes, is one of THE best and important qualities to have as a human being.

I do so hate a braggart.

Music; I Cannot do Without! Can you? (Music by Jodymoon and Paolo Nutini)

Hi. I've told you more than once that I am a committed music lover, right?
Music certainly makes MY world go around. 
It is the score to my life, be it for good or worse, and I can hear a song and will be transported back to a particular moment in my life instantly. Or the other way around: a memory will immediately make me think of a particular song. And a certain piece of music will evoke moods and longings. The link below is a very good example.

It's the prettiest thing - by Jodymoon

So it will not come as a surprise to you that I love to sing myself. I sing all the time (much to the amusement and sometimes chagrin of my work colleagues, who get a continuous stream of song from me whilst I'm checking my email and grading my test papers. Well, I do try to keep it down, honestly I do!)

A very long time ago I worked as a nurse in an old people's hospital, looking after Alzheimer patients, and there was this ancient lady who was so far gone that she had lost the ability to speak, or eat (she was fed by a tube through her nose). She had long, thin white hair, and she would calm down and stop fidgeting with her hands when I brushed it. 

And sometimes this miracle would happen: she would start to sing. She sang hymns. The other Alzheimer patients would hush, and it always brought tears to my eyes.
It has always amazed me, right to this day, that a person who couldn't speak any longer, could still sing. When I think of this lady, I think of the song Amazing Grace. I wished her to be free of the burden which her life had become to her, I suppose. 

Party music with Paolo Nutini

After this introspective stuff, the above is to make you smile. It makes my heart sing. Not only is it great fun, but Mr Nutini is scrumptious to watch.

Let me know what music you enjoy?

Happy Summer Solstice to You!

Good evening, my Summer-loving friends!
When you are, like me, in the Western hemisphere, tonight is the shortest night of the year and the start of Summer. Would you like to come on a Solstice adventure with me?

Here we are, at the start of our evening walk. I hope you are wearing good shoes, wouldn't want you to twist an ankle on your town spikes or anything!

Just look at this road. Where will it lead us? Where would you want it to lead? To a new life perhaps, another job, a fresh loving relationship, a richer future? Or are you satisfied with where you are in life?

As you can see, along the waterways of our walk, the swans all have babies. They use the long evenings for eating as much as they can eat, and then cuddle up all together for the night. It's still too early for bats, but the swallows are out in force, swooping and calling to each other. And if we are really, really lucky, we might see this beauty.

Probably not though, they keep themselves to themselves. 

We'll continue our walk, along the country lanes into the dunes by now, for we are walking towards the sea. 

The sea is omnipresent in my corner of the world.

There is no escaping it. It rules our climate.  

On the way to the beach, we pass a garden. The Cosmea are in bloom, catching the last rays of sunlight. And the bees are out in force, making the most of the long evening to gather as much pollen as they can.

They especially like the clover, which covers entire meadows at the moment.

Now, if you are like me, you are now pricking up your ears to try to catch the sound of the cuckoo.

We are very close to the beach by now. Are you still keeping up? Don't worry, we're almost there. One more dune to climb.

And here we are.

We'll walk towards the water's edge, and sit in the sand, and later on we'll build a camp fire to keep the chill at bay. I hope you didn't forget to bring the wine?! We'll ask my favourite Dutch band Jodymoon to sing us a song. Use the link for Playing Around

We'll watch the sun sink into the sea, and the first stars come out. And we'll reflect on Life, and all its sorrows and joys.

Happy Summer Solstice to You!