The Urban Hike: Where Were We??

Good morning you all, everywhere (but mostly in The USA - nice to see you checking in!),

A friend suggested that it would be fun to let you guess at our destination of the latest ramble. So...sure!
Where were we?

It didn't take us overly long to get to this destination. Especially for you lot over there in the good old US of A, or Canada, you are used to driving long distances, so for you this would be like a visit to your local supermarket.
For us Dutchies though, this drive is...well, a proper drive, for which we have to steel ourselves and make sure we have enough provisions etcetera in the car. But one full tank would get us there and back from Rotterdam. (First clue)

This was our aim. It is a museum, and a very modern one at that. On the roof, the tenth floor, there is a Panorama, which gives you a wonderful view over this harbour city. (And there is your second clue!)

This museum has amassed the collections of several old museums in this city. So we saw the most eclectic collection possible, with old paintings, historical earthenware and chamberpots, religion, chocolate tins (third clue),photographs, and a load of boats.

This, (your fourth clue) is a beautiful painting of the quay, with the city in the background. I loved it, the artist has captured the expressions of all those people so well. For instance the woman on the right, in the severe black dress, she gazes into your face with great suspicion! I know that look, it is the exact same look my old neighbour gives me when I'm rolling out of my car with my musician friends!
And the young waiter (in the long white apron), he has the look of a hard working youngster who is used to being ignored unless the toffs need to order another beer. 
The guitar player is in the zone, and has captured the pretty lady's interest.

This was another exhibit which captured my heart. It is part of a pre-Colombian collection.

We went to the roof, obviously, but it was so cold and grey, and the photo has not turned out very well. (Still. It is your fifth clue)

Now, I am giving you a massive, massive hint here: you are looking at the river Schelde.
Well? Have you guessed already? No? Let's continue.

This city used to be part of my country. In fact, it was more important and powerful than Amsterdam at one point. 
They still speak a form of the same language as we; let's say we understand each other's language, but we are very different temperamentally.

The city centre streets are crooked, and so are the shops and buildings. To me, that is quaint. The weather was dismal, so hardly any folk on the pavements to enjoy their beers (sixth clue).
And there were many ancient buildings around, dating from the seventeenth century.

Like the one on the right, with the step gable. 1614, It said.

I like café staff with a sense of humour!(The beer brand is your seventh clue; oh, come on, you must know by now?!)

And here we are. The end of our ramble. This is on a market square. And no, I did not take a photograph of the world famous city hall with its many flags and gilt statues, as I thought it too garish. I prefer the other side, with the typical gables. Your last clue is staring you in the face, by the way.

Hope you enjoyed this different take on my usual ramble. Leave a comment if you want to check with me whether you've guessed my destination.

Viggo's Blog - Humbug!

Hiya fans, Viggo here.

One picture paints a thousand words, doesn't it?
See those fangs?
They are the bane of my life at the moment. One minute I am quietly snoozing in my favorite spot on the settee, and the next this white little monster jumps in my neck and sinks those teeth into my fur.
He hasn't grown an awful lot, so I can still win our tousles by sheer weight alone, but effing Frith, is he exhausting or what?!

Mind you, my fangs are in fine nick too, don't you think?
The vet has told my woman I should have dental work done, though. She's put this forward to 2017, as she can't have both hers and mine done at the same time. Her teeth are in far worse shape, she needs a new crown put on. So she's told me I'll have to wait a few months. Phaw! I don't mind that one bit. The vet used words like "removing the tartar" - well, as far as I'm concerned tartare is a nice sort of ground meat my woman sometimes prepares.

Apart from that, I want to leave you with a Christmassy quote which might teach you a lesson. I bet you are in need of one.

The problem is not the problem.

The problem is your attitude to the problem,

that's the problem.

Profound, eh?

Until next time, tar rah! Oh, and if I don't speak to you before Christmas, have yourselves a merry one.

Viggo's Blog - I Hate Halloween!

Hiya, fans, Viggo here.

See this woman? It's my woman, in a silly witches hat. Not that she's going to any of those stupid Halloween parties, mind. She's told me the hat is for a Harry Potter Night in the library. Equally stupid if you ask me. Grown persons dressing up and pretending they're at a school called Hogwarts? Humbug!

Last night I was out minding my own business, chilling with the mates on the pavement near the primary school, when all of a sudden we were surrounded by ghouls and screaming youngsters. We nearly lost half of our hair from fright!
Why, I ask you, WHY do those teenage girls always have to scream as if they don't like it when being chased by young guys?
Us cats know that a good jowl is only used for two purposes only: as the interlude to mating OR to tell another cat he/she it sitting on our bit of pavement.

Anyway. The only one I liked was dressed up as a giant mouse. I like mice.
Apart from that, it's same old, same old over here. The leaves are falling nicely, there's lots of toadstools everywhere, and all those lovely little birdies have re-appeared in the bushes around my house.
Bowie is growing like mad, and he is mad as well. I need to put him in his place at least five times a day.
And that's it.
Have a good Sunday, won't you?
Tarrah!

Viggo's Blog - I Swear That Vet Has Added 2 Balls!

Hiya fans, Viggo here.

Did you feel sorry for sweet little Bowie, when I told you he had to have an operation?
Silly you!

I know castration is said to change us toms into placid, overweight, fussy, neutered (need I go on?) so-and-so's, but I have to admit this did not work for our Bowie!
Within one day he was tearing around the place again, and getting into trouble. Business as usual!
I am SO fed up with that brat! He jumps on me all the time, he tries to eat my food as well as his own at the same time, he claims the woman's lap for his own, he is a nuisance!

The vet told my woman to keep him inside for 10 days, 'cause 'he needed the rest,in order to heal'.
WHaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Never heard such bollocks in all my life! My woman told the young woman her jaw dropped when she was told this hogwash. She's grown up in the country, you see, where pigs and horses are neutered and turned straight out into the meadow again after. Sure, she gave Bowie the antibiotics as she believes this did him some good (and he loves the stuff, silly brat!), but she took a good look between his hind paws after a day, declared the nonexistent balls healed and opened the door to the back garden. Needless to say, Bowie was out there in a flash. Thank Frith.
Now, me and the mates had a long talk about his energy levels, and we've decided that they are not normal.

AND he's growing...

Viggo's Blog - Me and My Mates.

Hiya fans, Viggo here.
Recovered from all those chocolate eggs and silly hares (which you call bunnies? I don't get it!)?

Anyway, what I wanted to tell you, is that I have mates, yeah?!
It took some time, and some nifty handling from my side, but nowadays I can chill with my friends.
The White Goddess is still unobtainable, so a cat's got to do what a cat's got to do, and thus I have searched for and found a circle of male buddies I can hang out with.
(My woman says we are all technically and strictly ex-males, but she's just jealous so pay her no mind)

This great guy lives on the corner and we have a lot in common, not in the least a dog in our house. His is a floppy soppy Golden Retriever. He was sitting on my woman's car here, hmmmm, not quite sure I like that....So I chased him off pronto and we rolled around on the pavement a bit.

This oldie (he's 15!) used to live in my house before his people moved to Bangkok and let their house to us, but has moved two doors down as those people are now looking after him. My woman said she would happily have taken him in, but thought it unfair to old Gina. Hah! She should have moved smelly Gina two doors down instead...

What?

Oh...

She's just told me off for being nasty about Gina. (But-it's-the-truth-she-smells-dog-breath-shhhh!)

This is Gina and me on our morning walk, this morning. Just to show you that we hop along nicely...My woman can really moan about nothing.

Would you know we actually saw a deer there? It was very early this morning (Gina has a weak bladder) and it stood about halfway. But as soon as my woman fumbled out her iPhone it jumped away. I swear we see more wildlife around that cemetery next to our house than next to the forest where we used to live. 

Okay, I'm going back to sleep now. Just wanted to show you my friends.

Tarah!

Oh...just to make you laugh...This is smelly Gina giving a doggie kiss to my woman. I don't mind that, rather her than me actually!

Viggo's Blog - How To Build A Design Shelter.

Hi fans, Viggo here.
Today I will instruct you how to build a multi-purpose design shelter. So especially those of you needing a change of scenery and/or environment, pay attention! 
It could also be sent on to the High Commission for Refugees I suppose. My woman tells me I should not be disrespectful, but I am quite serious. Perhaps they should all be given a huge cardboard box.

First, you make certain you have a suitable carton box. It should be sturdy, but pliable. And (!!!) you should be able to rip it with your teeth without them breaking off.

Second, it makes a difference if it has that distinct fishy carton glue smell. I love that, makes it so much more enjoyable.

Third, try to rip it into 1 inch pieces. They should all be cut to the same size. Different sizes look sloppy. We do not want sloppy!

Fourth, scatter the pieces decoratively along the table and floor. Do not cut corners, this should be taken seriously.

Fifth, try it on for size. You should be able to sit, but also squat in it comfortably.

Sixth, adjust when necessary.

Seventh, try it on again. Well. How does it feel? Do you feel good? Are you in the zone? Could you stay there for at least an hour or so? If the answer is yes - great. If the answer is no, you will have to do better!

Next time I will teach you how to bury your pooh in the garden, shall I? Or would you prefer to know about how to wake up your woman/man effectively at 5 am? Do tell me.

Until next time, purrs, Viggo.

Viggo's Blog - My Woman Suffers From Rock Star Delusions!

Hi fans, Viggo here.

See this cap? It's Daniël's.

Who the heck is Daniël, you may wonder? Well, he is the boyfriend of the darling daughter of my woman. So far so good. I like his caps, they smell good, as does he.

BUT.

Said Daniël has done a terrible thing! He's convinced my woman, who is approaching her dotage as far as I'm concerned, that she can still be a rock star.

Honestly!

I've tried everything to dissuade her. I bite her when she but looks at that red bass she has bought last week. I go and sit on her, so she can't play. I cry. I wail. I howl. I ram my nails into her legs. Nothing works!

Yesterday they wrote a song together. I ask you! He's done the guitar, she's written the lyrics and she sings them, and today they've spent hours trying to find an appropriate drum- and bass-line for the monstrosity.

I pity our neighbour (mind you, that woman shouts so loud into her phone that the entire hood can follow her fights with her Mum...not nice at all).

What can a cat do to get his woman to behave in a manner suitable to his status? I don't know... I think I may be getting a tad depressed now.

Viggo's Philosophy - 2.0

Hi fans, Viggo here with a quick update on my Catyoga blogpost.

My woman is overheated. No other word for it. She is working much too hard to get the new school planning finished.
I urged her to take some rest, but she finds it hard to unwind. She told me she even dreams of student's grades and last minute changes in the curriculum.

So, last night I took matters into my own paws and sat on her. She couldn't move, and had to sit there and have a drink. Here's the proof:

See that pained expression? (Hers, not mine!)
She needs an ultra-long dose of URP!

Hope you have been keeping up your exercises? Remember: the facial expression is important!
Bye!

Oi! We Actually Have A Tropics Schedule Imposed on The Wetlands!

Temperatures have soared to 34 degrees C during the last two days. I mean...here! In The Wetlands! People don't know what has hit them! Our schools have imposed a tropics schedule.
I wrote a micro poem about it. Hang on, while I attempt to dive into my heat-fuddled brain.

Right, found it - right next to the grades for 1F (disappointing) and 2A (wonderful).

Unaccustomed heat Produces uneasy dreams Of freedom Untying ties Forging new ones Cherishing unsought declarations Of tenderness

Come to think of it (ever the teacher, sorry, professional deformation) you cannot forge ties, can you. You forge chains. Well, you'll probably get my drift anyway.Our newspapers are full of good advice about how to battle this unaccustomed heat (uneasy dreams or not). I'll para-phrase.

1. drink plenty of fluids, preferably water. (Plenty of water around here, though it is not so advisable to drink it! You'll probably die from Weill's disease, a terrible death)
2. have at least one ice-cream a day (No problem, bring'em on!)
3. Do not lock babies, dogs, cats, Granny or your ailing boss in your car whilst getting the shopping in (And our cows are very susceptible to heatstroke too!)
4. Do not attempt too strenuous work (Ha! tell that to us teachers! We are in the last frantic struggle to finish the school year without sudden death)
5. Try to do your work before 12 pm and after 4 pm. (What???)
6. Put Granny, your babies, your boss or your pooches in a paddling pool (Ever tried putting my dog in a paddling pool? Not advisable; her legs may be failing, but her teeth function very well)
7. Suck on ice-cubes (Ehm...This actually was ad verbatim in the newspaper list. I'd like to amend it: put down some ice-cubes in your boxers. There - much more effective!)

Weather prediction for tomorrow: 36 degrees. Aw...I need to finish my lesson schedule for next year...

Good ideas to keep cool, anyone?

Happy Birthday to Me! (Viggo's Blog)

Hi there, fans. 
Yesterday I celebrated my fifth birthday. Happy Birthday to ME!

Now, you may believe I'm dead in this photo, but you are wrong. This is me, doing my "Utter-Relaxation-Position". Or URP, for short.

Please take notice of the left front paw, which is positioned just so, not touching the right one. Both hind paws should be next to each other, lightly touching, but not stiffly. 

A soft purring sound is advisable, this helps to get the relaxation gradation just right.

I've tried teaching this position to my old dog Gina, but she isn't up to it, especially that left paw is a bridge too far for her. Somehow she keeps sticking it out like a ram-rod.

A close-up to teach you the facial expression. See how content I look? That's because URP makes you feel good!

This is just after I moved from URP into the final position, called "Show-off-your-belly", or SOB* for short. The purpose of SOB is to roll over, if needed, and get to your feet to ask for more food, although you can ask for more food whilst in the SOB position. I did.

* Some of you mistakenly think this means son of a bitch. You are wrong again. Us cats do no use the word bitch at all.

And there endeth the lesson for today. Keep up your practicing, and until next time.

Blue Zones? Tell You What Makes a Viggo Blue!

Hi fans, Viggo here, with an update on my big fat woman.

I am NOT satisfied with the progress my woman is making.

Last time I told you about the kilos she had lost whilst in Rome...Well, she gained them again.

I was so not-amused, I tell you! Here I am, trying to keep her spirits up, giving her good advice every day, overseeing her workouts, making certain she wakes up nice and early every morning...And what do I get? No result. Zilch. Nada.

So I did some research, and I came upon this Blue Zone stuff. People on far flung (read: backward) islands who live mostly on veggies and some fish drenched in olive oil, or alternatively mostly veggies and kelp, live up to one hundred or more and do so in good health, good spirits and- if you believe those stories- have sex twice a week whilst enjoying a good social life as well. Could be this is at the same time - I missed that bit due to the fact that a bumblebee distracted me.

Anyway, nothing ventured nothing gained, so I've put her on a new diet: the Blue Zone Diet minus the kelp (wouldn't know where to get that from) and plus the wine. 

Will keep you updated as to the weight-loss. Or gain (Frith forbid!)

A Weighty Decision - According to Viggo.

Hi there, fans, Viggo speaking.
Being overweight is not cool. So I have put my woman on a diet.

We had words on the subject. She said that I am chubby myself, so who am I to tell her to shed some pounds? I retorted that I am a macho defender of home and garden, so I need the extra weight to keep that Maine Coon from six houses down off my back.

Judge for yourself; am I chubby? All I can see is muscle.

Efficient as I am, I have made a list of things my woman is allowed to eat from now on.

Obviously I have taken into account that she is human and needs roughage, so there are plenty of veggies on that list (aaaargh, the idea! I can stomach the occasional garden pea, but that's about it).

Things she can eat:

vegetables (any vegetables, except potatoes)

all kinds of lettuce

all kinds of fruit

yoghurt

muesli

oats (silly woman, as if she is a horse, anyway... where was I?)

crackers

eggs

fatty fish

lean meat

cheese (not in great amounts, mind)

Things she cannot eat:

everything else.

Simple, eh?

Now, I have made an allowance for alcohol, as I know that she will go barmy when I forbid this stuff. We have had a long discussion about this, and she has been able to convince me that my life wouldn't be pretty when I take a stand about it. "Will not be worth living", were her exact words. But: we compromised. I said none whatsoever, she said two glasses a day (keeps the loony bin away) and we agreed on one glass a day (keeps the doctors at bay).

We all know that Easter Weekend is coming up, and it will be interesting (to put it mildly) to see how she will cope with family members stuffing themselves with chocolate eggs and  carrot cake and sloshing away the wine, sherry and beer as if tomorrow never comes.

Still. It is all for her own good. 57 Is the new 47, they say, but not when she looks like a sack of beets.

Right. Signing off now. Have a great Easter!

Viggo on Spring

Hi there, all you cat lovers and Viggo fans. We hope this cold, foggy night finds you in good spirits!
Just for fun, as is our habit, this is an interview with fat macho cat Viggo.  This time I have asked him his opinion about Spring.

V: What's with the tulips? Where is my portrait?

Q: Sorry, I thought: Spring...tulips...I'll try to find a nice picture of you instead.

V: Too right you will! 

V: Hmpf. Slightly better. Not my best photo, though. 

     Right. Here goes.

I am an Autumn cat. We Autumn-born cats are known for our tenacity, our joie-de-vivre and our panache.

But I must admit I do like Spring. It's nice to be able to go outside without freezing my nonexistent balls off, so to speak. And everything smells fresh and delicious. The fish wake up. And the frogs and toads start hopping around the garden again. I do like a good romp with them. Did you know that they scream when you nibble their legs?

Q: You do not! Tell me that you don't do that, that's cruel!

V: Don't be such a wuss, woman! I only tease them a bit, I don't eat them. You know I prefer my crunchy nibbles.

And then the butterflies wake up, and the bees, and...

What are you doing now?

Q: I've taken some new photos of you, seeing that you weren't satisfied with the other one.

V: Let's have a look then.

V: Jeez, that's not much better, is it? Not what you call an improvement! I'm out of focus!

Q: No, it's called soft-focus.

V: It makes me look fat. It's bad for my image.

Q: Not at all, you look sweet.

V: Enough! I do not want to look 'sweet'! I am the defender of this garden and house, other cats won't take me seriously ever again when they see me as 'sweet'. Remember last Saturday night, hm, do I need to remind you? That rascal from two houses over sneaked in through your bedroom balcony doors, and I jumped him? Showed him, didn't I?